Don't Be A Boar!

I now know that if there was a nuclear war and I had to survive in an a forest, jungle, or other untamed location that I could cook for myself – assuming that some one else could make the fire and hunt the game. After my recent heart-wrenching experience of preparing baby wild boar, I think I could skin, gut, and filet anything that moves. Jeez- did I just write that?

It's hunting season and we are receiving all sorts of animals at the 3-star restaurant I cook at in Paris. As Comis to the Chef de Viande, that means that I get to learn how to work with all of them.

I first saw the baby in the walk in fridge with it's paws dangling out of a plastic bag. I thought it was just a wild hare, but then an apprentice asked me how I was going to emotionally handle cutting up the baby pig with it's cute little snout and strange half smile – I had to go back to the fridge and take a second look at the contents of the plastic bag. Sure enough, it was a tiny little wild boar with short coarse hair and strips down it's back.

My heart stopped when I first looked at the whole body. In fact, I think my boss was in shock too. We both just stared at it for awhile in the fridge – cold air filling our lungs, eyes a little weepy. "Aaah, eet'z good!" my boss finally exclaimed in his thick French accent as he grabbed the plastic body bag to carry up to our meat station. "It's good? You think killing animals this young is fair?" I questioned unbelieving that anything so young should be hunted."

I followed him up the stairs (our kitchen is on two levels which makes for lots of stairclimbing throughout the day) not quite sure how to feel about our upcoming project. I rationalized that it was already dead so I might as well just do eeeet! When we got to our station he admitted that he had never actually prepared baby wild boar before. He then began playing with the pig putting it in various positions to make me laugh. I didn't find any of it funny but managed to finally give a half chuckle when he started adding voices.

What happened next was humourous only because it was just soooooo Français. All the executive chefs came to huddle around the boar and discuss the best way to go about preparing it. It was like a secretive football huddle. I couldn't make out all the conversation but it was decided that it would be skinned, roasted whole, and cut at the tableside like wild rabbit removing the legs and then the fillets. "C'est bon ça, c'est bon ça, huh?" the Executive Chef kept muttering. "Uggh, how can one actually kill something as cute and innocent that looks strangely like my family dog?" I thought to myself disgusted.

It's always the first cut that's the hardest. I wonder if plastic surgeons go through this same feeling? That first pierce through the skin always sends shivers down my spine. Unlike the rabbit's skin that you can yank off, boar's skin is difficult to sever from the muscle and takes a lot of knife work.

My boss and I traded turns carefully removing the skin. Once most of the skin was off I stopped feeling so nostalgic about the whole situation. Cutting it's face off was revolting and so was popping out it's eyes. The ears we removed entirely after a brief discussion as to whether or not they should be eaten as well. I firmly said "Non!", he authoratatively said "Oui!", but they were too difficult to skin so off they came.

We roasted it whole with some wild pigeon carcasses to make a jus with afterwards. Every time I opened the oven to baste it I kept thinking, "Gawd, this thing looks so prehistoric, like something that Fred Flinstone would enjoy with Wilma". The toothpicks in it's eye sockets, which I assume were stuck in there to hold the brain in, really added to the cave man look.

The pig was finally presented to a private party, cut tableside and then sent back to the kitchen to arrange on plates with wild mushrooms of huge porcinis, mushrooms of death, and girolle.

Unfortunately I was too busy filleting pigeon and hacking apart chickens to order that I didn't get to see the finished plates. I can't say that I ever want to cook or prepare another baby boar ever again, but I can say that it is strangely empowering to know how to and also that I could do it again if I absolutely had to in order to survive. Very strange indeed...

Comments

[Mad William]

That is amazing. I am at a loss. As much as I love food and cooking and trying new things, that was just sad.
That is something you would not see in the States. Viva la France.

[sara]

ohh god that is SICK! i hope you didnt eat that for you birthday dinner...

[ChrisLate]

This may bring me closer to my meals than I want to be...chocolate chips, anyone?

[Roo]

I marvel. You're amazing.

[nardac]

Oooh, les marcassins are sooo damn cute. Did they serve up the brain too?

[Etienne]

Your blog has morphed into the bizarro-opposite world version of cute overload! It\'s OK, it\'s still fascinating to hear about the kitchen drama at a 3-star restaurant even if the pictures are a little squicky ;)

[jeorg]

hunting season fits perfectly with halloween. you know, if you wanted, you could dress up for halloween in the kitchen. i would avoid wearing animal print, since it is in season in france, and you could be next...

[Negrito]

Yeeekkk, damned coming to your blog is a risky game. When you come before lunch sometimes ypou get hungry like the wolf, but this one just cuts my desire for a tartare.

Maybe..

After all it's just a hairy fish ? Who cares about fishes being stripped? No one, so.....

Nevertheless, looks to me more like pictures you should put on the menu to be sure people know what they eat :D

[Alison]

Oh, wow. I just got done reading Anthony Bourdain's "Kitchen Confidential," and I thought of you more than once as I read it. Great book.

And good job on the cute leetle bebe peeg.

[Gwar]

I grew up in farm country in the 1950s. This sort of thing happened all the time there/then, so the pics are no big deal. What I want to know is did it look just like the last picture (pig in the pan) when they showed it to the table? Or did it get dressed up for that act?

[Ms. Glaze]

HI Gwar! We just took the toothpicks out of the eyes and plopped it on a wooden planche with a sprig of thyme and bay leaf. Jus was drizzled over the top for magpie appeal – c'est tout! Then the little piggy was brought back and carved and arranged on plates to look pretty.

[laura @ cucina testa rossa]

oh i'd have a hard time with this one.... that's why i stick with fish. no pleading bambi eyes or soft fur, just nasty spikes and scales and slimy skin.... and when they yell at you just smile. i'll tell you the story when i see you of the chef that tried to get me fired or get me to quit every day.

[Tubley]

This is the most sickening thing I have ever seen. I don't know how you can sleep at night.

[Big Mumma]

That's just disgusting. This is why there is nothing in my home that requires the death or torture of an animal. It's just sickening and unbelievable. And for the record, fish are living breathing creatures too so it's not justified by saying it's a hairy fish!

[Alexa.]

You stated early in the blog, that you asked your boss, was it fair to hunt animals that young - yet you cook it and serve it...
if you ask me your questioning of morals is pretty out of whack, because as you cook and serve it - your promoting that it's alright to slaughter young animals.
I also find it quite disgusting that you take pictures of you and your co-workers holding up the animals as you skin and gut and whatever else to those animals as if they are, and never were anything of value.
So why are you questioning yourself if your obviously alright with it? Doesn't it bother you at all that what you're "gutting" once used those organs and muscles to live?
Just as your freely express your ideas and views of what you do, I'm freely expressing my ideas and opinions.

[Ms. glaze]

Alexa – I hear what your're saying and one of the reasons I post pictures that aren't cute is because I want people to be aware of the food chain. I want people to know that animals don't just come packaged in the store. The boar wasn't tortured. It was killed quickly by a hunting dog.

Yes, it does bother me to butcher baby animals, but the fact remains that they taste better. Have you ever eaten suckling pig or veal or lamb or even chicken for that matter? They are all babies. I would rather eat animlas that have at least lived their life happy in the wild then raised in a farm.

Also, the animal was dead. What do you want me to do? Waste it??? That would be an even bigger disgrace in my opinion to the animal's life. Then he would have given up his life for nothing.

I want people to think about where food comes from. I want people to connect it to the living. Obviously, I was successful or you wouldn't have had such a knee-jerk reaction to my post.

Let me ask you this - was it okay for our ancestors to hunt and eat what they killed, but now it's not? Are some animals killable and others aren't.

Again, that you for your comment. I really do value what you are saying and I hope that I have in some way answered your concerns.

[Gordon]

An excellent use of a protien resource. If you think this is revolting! You should see the cute calves that go into your hamburgers.

[suezq]

I am amazed.. I have a 6 week old baby wild pig that looks just like this one and i must say some peole are straight up nasty! we have 4 dogs and 2 cats and i just can't picture us eating them. The people who eat these pigs should try having one as a pet and they will find they are great pets

[Rhonda]

seems sad however, living in rural outskirts of Houston there are so many wild hogs(Male, female and yes even babies. they are destroying everything in sight. lawn, landscaping, irrigation, grown trees, vehicles...They multiply like rabbits. There is no choice but to destroy them. Yes in the US!!

[cialis online]

Ok that's disgusting... i guess you should prepare it in must clean enviroment because you don't know what of disease it could have do the contamination.